Monday, August 28, 2006


Yeah, I said it. Anyone who knows me knows that I have always had a fascination with blues, "jook joints", rock and roll, acoustic music, pianos, strings, trumpets, and any type of big band music. My mother Esther, my Grandma Cille (RIP), and my grandfather Willard always kept some type of music pumping into my system. I remember the smell of collard greens on the stove and the sound of SOUL 73 KKDA blasting across the kitchen as my grandma Cille requested me to sing for her. Normally it was the same song "Dont worry my toot-toot." I know you remember that song. Every once in awhile a good blues song would come on and my brother and I would sit there and air guitar on the floor, really feeling the music. I knew then, that I wanted to be a rockstar. My mother sat me down to watch "The Color Purple" and the only thing that I pulled away from that was that I wanted to move a crowd like the band moved them at Harpo's. Throughout the years, hip hop has changed so much that I started questioning whether or not, I even wanted to be included. Here's a little secret......I AINT NO CLOSET OR SHOWER SINGER!!!! I said that because I realized after seeing "Idlewild" of all things. My voice was never meant for these little cookie cutter R&B songs that most people have always written for me or felt that I should sing and I was writing.
I normally play around with singing because there is a deep rooted pain when I sing. Everything that I have ever been through flows through me and comes out in a woozy blast of tenor that causes my tears and fears to surface. Therefore, I have always hid or halfway did enough for it to be on beat. Truthfully, Ive been tired of that. Ive held back for so many years in so many situations because I didnt know what everyone would expect from someone with so much pain in their voice. Then, I realized, so many situations have befallen so many people without a voice, that that pain may just BE NEEDED.
So much creativity was shown in the film through a genre that most African-Americans might find offensive. (Amos-N-Andy, shuckin' and jivin', runnin' hooch, backwater jook joints) Still, the core of our music comes from these places. These dens of flesh and alcohol were where our musical history was built. Where REAL hustlers began without really doing any REAL damage to their communities. Sure, homes were broken because of infidelity and the need to live through hedonism at whatever watering hole, but those are the decisions of men. The piano players and guitar strummers who REPORTEDLY through hearsay sold their souls to the devil for the gift of that instrument, hence the devil's music. Ive realized that the art of what hip-hop truly began as has been lost. Maybe people like Andre Benjamin and Antwan Patton have been right all along. Never afraid to do what it is that they felt they should be doing. No record label conformity, no perfectly packaged album with the prerequisite "club banger","joint for the ladies, or "street shit".
Something woke up in me when I left that theater. The need to really push myself beyond my levels of comfort. Out where you're either crazy or too quirky, a fool or a genius, but the line blurs way past that normal "he's a good rapper or he's a great writer." Something went off in me as I watched the former "two dope boys in a cadillac" become icons over their careers and immortalize themselves for doing something that other rappers had yet to do............MAKE A MOVIE WHERE NEITHER ONE OF THEM WAS A THUG OR A GANGSTER OR EXTREMELY HARD. As I stand about to face a very severe event in my life, Id like to know that at the point of my return from this down point, my mind is completely ready, focused, and clear. If you know me personally, then you know exactly what I am about to endure. If you dont, let's just put it this way. In hip-hop, you gain credibility, sometimes before anyone even knows your name, when they can tap into a website and verify that at some point, some time in your life, there's been a picture of you standing in front of documentation of your height, with all of your vitals and government information attached to it. If you can't figure it out, then I will most likely be back before it matters to you. To give you more, look at this post and check the next time that I post here. Look at the TIME that has passed.
Anyway, Idlewild called me and they want me to move back. When I get through handling my business, I do believe that all my bags are packed and I will jump on that flight. Will you be there for the ride?


Wednesday, August 23, 2006


Art seems to immediately imitate life. I speak the truth in just about all of my music and I always talk about the reality of relationships and everything else that goes on, but no one ever seems to pay attention. I honestly believe that in a relationship, more times than not, women look forward to something bad happening and then they just cant seem to get past it or get so hung up on it that nothing comes to them in any other way except negative. Enough about that, I just had to vent a little bit and get that off of my chest. For the record, I have someone, anyone who knows me, knows that. Today, well, actually the last two days, have just been really off kilter. Truthfully, its gotten very annoying. Its like stepping on eggshells, not breaking any and then finally breaking one and all HELL breaks loose. Let me far as music............
I started working on a new mixtape which I had hoped would be finished by this coming Friday. Doesnt look like that is going to happen. STILL NO NEW BEATS FROM ANY OF THE PRODUCERS!!!!! However, I have found out why. If there ever was a time for everything to fall together, now would be that time. One thing that I always hold true is that God is in control, no matter what. Im starting to try to understand what is going on and why God seems to always test me on things for such long periods of time. I have zero patience and I dont have a high tolerance for a lot of stupidity or people just doing things that they know could be done in a different manner or in a better way. Im working on that and Im working on me. The funny thing about having a blog is that you can EMBELLISH! I would, but Im not. Admittedly, Im typing this in a very agitated and confused state. (If I was a drinker, this would probably be the day that a good, good bottle of Grey Goose would find itself into my hands. Alas, I am NOT!)
I guess my focus is that people make mistakes. People do stupid things. People do things out of desperation. People do things out of complete boredom and lack of self sufficient things. I AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE! I wish to God I was perfect, but then again, arent all musicians troubled in some way. Is creativity not so close to some sort of mental affliction? Hell, look at R. Kelly. Look at Houston. Look at Keke Wyatt. Look at Mariah Carey. Look at Whitney Houston. Look at ODB. (RIP) These people are and were (respectively) all extremely talented people, but they have and had (respectively) their own personal demons that torment and tormented (respectively) them. I am left with the ponderance today of whether or not, I too, am one of those people. The more I try to do right, the more that wrong befalls me. The more that I try to fix, the more that fails. I have given it all to God, so many times that seems like some type of cliche. I am tired of struggling to find an answer to the question. Truthfully, what scares me is that music seems to be my only way out. In my relationship, I have tried to find solace from myself and the life that has befallen me, but it seems that old habits die hard or so is NOW the thought of the person that I am with. Sometimes I feel like the only thing that I can do right IS music. And that, well thats, as the old folks would say, just a damn shame.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006


stagnant (stag'nent) adj 1.NOT FLOWING:still(stagnant water)2.Foul from standing still:stale(stagnant air)3.Not changing or growing:INACTIVE(a stagnant period for sales)

Webster's II New Riverside Dictonary gives this description of the word stagnant. How appropriate is it that the two words in bold describe me to a tee right now. I made one request before all of this was started and that was: I DO NOT WANT TO SIT IDLE AND WAIT FOR LONG PERIODS OF TIME. I like my mind flowing, but I dont want to just get in the booth and record anything, just for the sake of recording. I have no problem with writing until my fingers fall off, but when I record, I want that blend to be there. You know, the beats right, the words fit perfectly, it only takes about a good 15-25 minutes for the vocals to get recorded. I am unhappy to announce that after two weeks of starting work on the project, I still only have six songs recorded for the album and only two that I feel have a shot of making it close to the finals. Im so hungry right now for new music. There's always the throw away mixtape, but its not the same as having your own original music that represents you. Music that is tailormade for the world to hear your sound. Its like Im going stir crazy waiting on producers to submit tracks. Now all things arent bad, I got a really good one last night from Entity which I am absolutely loving. 100% all the way through. It was perfect and it had that sound that I search for. I was truly impressed and the good part about it is.......I KNOW THAT'S NOT THE BEST THAT SHE CAN COME WITH!! These are still "exciting times" nonetheless.


Sunday, August 13, 2006


Its funny that I would name a post that, but thats just what happened. There may be a new producer from Louisiana on the project! His name is simply "K" and much like the Man in Black character that he took his name from, he's definitely good at what he does. I enjoyed listening to his beats yesterday and I am now looking forward to working more with him and the other producers that were already enlisted to make sure that this album sounds great. It was enjoyable listening to someone who had some of the same ideas that I have towards music and truthfully, when someone's music sounds good, you cant take that away from them. The funny thing is, this cat is even interested in doing reggaetone and I have yet to hear that from any producer that I have worked with. I am happy to welcome him to the fold and see what can be created.
On that same note, I still have yet to receive any NEW material. This is the point in recording an album in which I dont like. The stagnation. (Im not even sure if thats a real word, but it is today.) I like to keep things moving and I realized that any good artist does. I got the chance to actually sit down and watch "Tupac:Resurrection" yesterday. Unbeknowst to a lot of people, Im probably the only non-diehard Tupac fan there is. I mean, he was good, but just because someone is murdered in their prime, does not the king create. We will never know where Tupac would have gone had he not been murdered. In watching the doc, it was very apparent that Tupac was misunderstood and that he was CLEARLY ahead of his time. There was more for him than just hip-hop martyr. I, too, have a fascination with my own death. If God blesses me to see it, Wednesday, August 30, 2006, I will be 25 years old. (You read it here first, before some quirky behind record label fabricates a story that Im only 20 years old. 1981, you do the math.) I have never seen myself making it past 23, so to me, Im on borrowed time. Some of the things that Tupac mentioned in the documentary hit home. Im terrified to die. There is a huge part of me that yearns and needs to exist on a plane where people are there to interact with. I dont want to fade into non existence. I dont want to become only a memory or a bunch of pictures, but in the end, we all have to go.
With that said, maybe Im diving too deep into my psyche, but hell thats why its MY blog. I pray that if 25 is all that I am promised, I touch someone deeply with my music and my mindframe. I pray that someone hears something that I have said in an interview or a song or reads a publication or this blog and walks away with a lesson learned. Its important to me that I make an impact in someone's life. Being a rockstar is so much more than just a studio, a video and a stage. Its a way of thinking responsibly and making sure that your actions affect everyone else in a positive manner. You can quote me.


Thursday, August 10, 2006


One thing about music that is very necessary is of course, the producer. Even still, a producer shouldnt jump beside themself and begin to do things that are prima donna like. This may come as a surprise to some, but I have always believed that as an artist, when dealing with various producers, in certain situations, its like dealing with a rival artist. Some producers believe that without them, you would be nothing more than just a voice. I beg to differ. I happen to know how to produce my own music and admittedly, am fairly decent in doing so. It has never been much to me to sit down in front of any computer program or piece of production equipment and create a listenable composition. Ive always done it myself, so when it came time to really allow myself to be a true artist and work with people outside of my comfort zone, I was a little skeptical. It seems now that my apprehensions were correct.
I sat down with the producers for the new album about two weeks ago and we mapped out everything that was initially going to happen. Everyone seemed to be on one accord. One of the reasons that I bring this up is that I have never HEARD of an artist meeting with all of his producers at the same time. It just seemed kind of absurd, but I was game to do anything that would bring a cohesiveness to the project. As the meeting went on, it became clear that one of the producers, in my opinion, had a serious problem with my opinions towards the Dallas music scene and various other things. It was very evident in the way that he addressed me during the entire meeting. Me being me, I was ready to kick him off of the project from that point, but I felt that musically, he would still have something to bring to the table and the label wanted him as a PRODUCER. As an artist, I dont ever want to shoot myself in the foot or stifle growth and movement, so I remained calm. Im not one for holding my tongue, so I am happy that I was able to convey my feelings on certain aspects of his thoughts without immediately reverting to my normal South Dallas mentality. "Screw you and what you stand for, the door is to your left. Go through it, never look back, and may God have mercy on your soul." What can I say Im from the hood? We dont play that sh*t!
Yesterday it came to my attention that the SAME EXACT PRODUCER that had all of these "CONCERNS" at the meeting, now had concerns about how he was going to get paid. This, to the best of my knowledge, had already been addressed between said PRODUCER and my label. Now there is a reason why this bothered me, Im not just complaining about this guy. In the time between the meeting and me writing this, HE HASNT PRODUCED ANYTHING!!!! Hence my problem. Producer=produce music. Im not sure how this is going to work out, but I will definitely keep you posted.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006


The sweet, tender introduction is out of the way. In the words of Dave Chappelle, "WELCOME TO OAKLAND, B****!!!!!" Just kidding. There are going to be some things that I am going to say that might offend some people, quite frankly, let me apologize now. My views are quite different than that of the average artist from Dallas. Some may agree and some may not, but we are all entitled to opinions. Having said that.........I STARTED WORKING ON THE NEW ALBUM THIS PAST WEEKEND!!! So far, I have 8 tracks recorded and am currently WAITING ON MY PRODUCTION TEAM (Ahem!) to get more music to me, so that I can get back into the booth and do what it is that I love to do. Currently the album is entitled "When I Get On....", hence the name of the blog. Its just a working title and it may end up changing, but this is what it will be called until further notice. Im very excited right now and I cant really contain it. There isnt much else to say without the feeling of needless rambling, so Im going to close out for the moment and get back to this when something more exciting happens.