A DAMN SHAME.....

Art seems to immediately imitate life. I speak the truth in just about all of my music and I always talk about the reality of relationships and everything else that goes on, but no one ever seems to pay attention. I honestly believe that in a relationship, more times than not, women look forward to something bad happening and then they just cant seem to get past it or get so hung up on it that nothing comes to them in any other way except negative. Enough about that, I just had to vent a little bit and get that off of my chest. For the record, I have someone, anyone who knows me, knows that. Today, well, actually the last two days, have just been really off kilter. Truthfully, its gotten very annoying. Its like stepping on eggshells, not breaking any and then finally breaking one and all HELL breaks loose. Let me see.......as far as music............
I started working on a new mixtape which I had hoped would be finished by this coming Friday. Doesnt look like that is going to happen. STILL NO NEW BEATS FROM ANY OF THE PRODUCERS!!!!! However, I have found out why. If there ever was a time for everything to fall together, now would be that time. One thing that I always hold true is that God is in control, no matter what. Im starting to try to understand what is going on and why God seems to always test me on things for such long periods of time. I have zero patience and I dont have a high tolerance for a lot of stupidity or people just doing things that they know could be done in a different manner or in a better way. Im working on that and Im working on me. The funny thing about having a blog is that you can EMBELLISH! I would, but Im not. Admittedly, Im typing this in a very agitated and confused state. (If I was a drinker, this would probably be the day that a good, good bottle of Grey Goose would find itself into my hands. Alas, I am NOT!)
I guess my focus is that people make mistakes. People do stupid things. People do things out of desperation. People do things out of complete boredom and lack of self sufficient things. I AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE! I wish to God I was perfect, but then again, arent all musicians troubled in some way. Is creativity not so close to some sort of mental affliction? Hell, look at R. Kelly. Look at Houston. Look at Keke Wyatt. Look at Mariah Carey. Look at Whitney Houston. Look at ODB. (RIP) These people are and were (respectively) all extremely talented people, but they have and had (respectively) their own personal demons that torment and tormented (respectively) them. I am left with the ponderance today of whether or not, I too, am one of those people. The more I try to do right, the more that wrong befalls me. The more that I try to fix, the more that fails. I have given it all to God, so many times that seems like some type of cliche. I am tired of struggling to find an answer to the question. Truthfully, what scares me is that music seems to be my only way out. In my relationship, I have tried to find solace from myself and the life that has befallen me, but it seems that old habits die hard or so is NOW the thought of the person that I am with. Sometimes I feel like the only thing that I can do right IS music. And that, well thats, as the old folks would say, just a damn shame.