Motivation.....

"That what makes me an individual. It's what makes me...me. I don't talk with a weak tongue, and I don't speak without being able to fight when necessary. I also don't place myself around people that can't handle it. So now you see why me and Joulz get along so well." -Entity Starr

Remember the song "Ryde or Die Chick" by The L.O.X.? Even though I was in my teens, it was just something to say that came as a catch phrase, but it was never something that was truly exemplified or embodied in anyone I met. That is...until NOW. I recall a few months back sitting in a theater looking at the movie "300" and thinking to myself, "You know, Leonidas has a queen that is willing to die for him. A queen who will speak her mind and dare someone to say anything back to her. A queen who is secure enough and intelligent enough to handle herself in ANY situation, be it good or bad." I said it before and I will say it again, art DOES imitate life. (Well, its supposed to, at least.)

When I was a child, I daydreamed of having a girl that would play with me, share her cookies with me, you know, sleep on my mat with me during naptime. As I became a pre-teen, I was more concerned with whether or not, she would "let me see hers, if I showed her mines" and if there was no crew and somebody tried to jump me, she would jump in the fight with me. (It may not have been for much of anything except distraction, but just long enough for me to right cross this cat and "dunk" the other one. LOL!) As as teen, I only hoped that she would indulge all of my pubescent fantasies long enough for me to experience whatever inexperienced tryst we could create. As an adult, these things seem so far away and completely innocent. As an adult, I search for the most perfection that we in our imperfection can have. A wife, a lover, a nurturer, a sister, a best friend, a confidant, a partner. Someone who does the adult version of all the things that I searched for when I was younger. Im inclined to believe that every man dreams of this.

"Come back with your shield... or on it." -Queen Gorgo

In all of my endeavors for the past two years of my life, the highs and the lows, whenever I go to face anything, exciting, new, ignorant, whatever, I have been sent away with a kiss and a statement that sounds pretty much like that one. A good, strong woman can MAKE you feel like you're about to go fight a war. Just you. No weapons, no army, just you. A good woman is supposed to make you get out of bed and face the day because you do it for her. She gives you purpose. She completes you. I hear a lot of new age thought processes when it comes down to women and what they mean to a lot of mean and sometimes, it saddens me. I talk about sex pretty frequently, but when did every woman become nothing more than a walking blow up doll? I say this because in a recent conversation with a female emcee, she stated: "Everytime, someone asks me to be on a song with them, why does it seem like they always want to talk about having a threesome? Or they want me to talk about fellatio (that was actually edited...she didnt say fellatio. She's a bit more graphic than that.) or how fine they are and these are some cats that I look at like Ewww!" It brought laughter, but at the same time, it made me think. Have I been guilty of the same type of objectification? Have I treated women like interchangeable masturbation utensils? I answered that question. "Yeah, yeah I have." It actually made me a bit sick to my stomach. I know for a fact that there are at least 3 women who have a "F*ck you, Julian, Im tired of your b*llsh*t!" mantra that they chant every morning. I apologize. I was young and stupid and I didnt understand you or need to be with you. I use what I learn with them as a blueprint of all the things NOT to do with my better half now. Hell, its worked so far and she still kisses me on the forehead as I bow my head down to her. If that's not symbolic, then I dont know what is. I serve God, above all else, but right after, she is.

"Mason Betha said it best, girls roll hard then men do." -Joulz Il "All Day Long"

I woke up this morning, took a long, hard look at myself and then asked outloud....."Where did that chubby cheeked little kid go?" Ive got facial hair, bills, a job, responsibility, and opinions. The most I ever had to worry about then was making sure that I walked to whatever school I was going to and got there on time. I miss being a child. I miss the harmless, care-free days when there was no Persian army, so to speak. When the arguments, that you got into were petty and resolved within five minutes, so everyone could go back to playing football, tackle football at that, in the middle of the street. Those days are gone and though I miss them, I understand them. All things must change. Some for the better, some for the worst, but all things must change. Im a man now. Not because I say it, not because Im a certain age, but because my actions and my mind frame proceed me as such and Im proud of it. For the first time in my life, Im truly happy and understanding of what it means to be a man. Why do I say that? What does that have to do with having a good woman? EVERYTHING!

I still want someone to lay on my mat when I nap. I still want someone who will share her animal cookies with me. I still want someone who will "let me see hers if I let her see mines". I still want someone who will indulge themselves in my fantasies. And above all, I still want someone who will jump into a fight with me, if nothing more than a distraction.........a ryde or die chick.

Uno,

Jou