Tuesday, June 12, 2007


"Life is but a dream to me/I dont wanna wake up/30 odd years without having my cake up...."
-Jay-Z "Beach Chair"

Strangely, this hit home as I sat here this morning. Took out the trash and stopped for a moment to let nature itself engulf me. Im realizing that I may have written a check that I dont have any forthcoming idea how to cash. I made the statement that I wanted to have a house, a home, my own, by the time I was 30. Ive always been known for making grandiose plans, but the things is...I always delivered. I was thought a long time ago that if you say something, you better be able to back it up. A man's word is all that he has and I have given my word that a home will be purchased by at least August 30, 2012. Believe it or not, that's the deadline. A physical deadline set for a dream that may be blame near unattainable for someone in my situation and shoes. Still, Ive set it as a goal and Im focused on making it happen.

My reason for bringing this up is this: Ive always wanted my life to be simple. I grew up in a semi-single parent home and I made a vow that my children would never do that. I grew up living in "the hood" and though it made me who I am today, I actually would have loved to not have a landlord and not hear sirens and gunshots on a regular basis. A friend of mine said it best, "Southside is an island." With this being true, its actually more akin to the island from the movie, "The Condemned". I didnt want to raise a family in a place where crack is smoked so freely and D-boy culture is so prevalent that Ive seen little 9 year olds ready and willing to jump into the game. Call me whatever you want, but the first thing as a man that I am supposed to be is the head and protector of my family. Regardless of my circumstances, I have always wanted more. More for my future family, more for my current family, and yes, more for myself.

The house represents that more. It represents that slice of Americana, I guess. Im not sure how many other 5 years old sat and had dreams of having a family, being a great father, having a great career, but I was one. I wanted to be the type of man that my father grew into these past few years, but I wanted to be that at a young age. I wanted to be someone that was the problem solver and the question answerer. Well, the first question that every woman has probably asked every man is: "Baby, what we gon' do?" I was asked that and my crazy behind responded...."We're going to get a house. Point blank. We have no choice. We have to do it and its going to happen within the next four years." Almost immediately, these words escaped my mouth which led me to believe that my soul, my very soul answered that question in faith. My flesh on the other hand said other things, but my heart and my soul answered. I believe in faith.

I dont claim to be the type of person who is deeply religious, but I am spiritual. I believe that there is a divine force in the universe that shapes, makes, molds and guides us through the journey of enlightenment that is life. That force to me is God and you have to take time to acknowledge God or else God will not acknowledge you. Your Spirit will guide you when you take time to listen to it, that Spirit is from God and therefore is God telling you what to do. Are you listening? Ive started hearing the most simple answers now that Ive stopped trying to force one into my mind. If you've never talked to yourself, do it today. Ask yourself a question and wait for your Spirit to give you an answer. It may not come in the form of words, it may just be a clear and precise thought that resonates like a neon light in your mind. I tell no lies, but my Spirit manifests itself. Having time to really sit down and with no choice to get to know myself, God, and my surroundings, I found out how powerful your Spirit man/woman can be. And its downright scary.

Ive gotten back into the practice of allowing my Spirit man to control my actions. Thinking before acting. Shutting off rationality and going off that "gut instinct". Following the nagging premonitions that say "Hey, just say this right here and be done with it." Hence, my life is now is a state of complete simplicity. Are you living to keep things simple or are you working to keep things difficult? Ask your Spirit, see what answer you get.


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