Tuesday, June 05, 2007


"You're born. You live. You die. You dont want to be just another waster of space."
-Willard Sneed

Start your day off with a moment of reflective thought. Think about yesterday for five minutes and weigh the PROS and the CONS of YOUR ACTIONS. What was important to you? What was important to someone else that you missed or just didnt see? Were you the best person that you could possibly be yesterday? If the answer is no.....then, DO BETTER! We all have bad days, horrible days, messed off days that no one can seem to pull you out of, but how you overcome is the key.

Yes, I know that I sound a bit self improvement "seminar-ish" (if such a word exists. LOL!), but its simply because I noticed that a lot of people around me, including myself, arent being everything that they could be. Today's focus for me is to be a better husband to be. I admit my understanding of women is a bit of an enigma. Having been raised by a strong, black woman, I find that women are beautiful and easy creatures to understand. Having a strong, black woman in my life, I find that I dont KNOW anything. LOL! She is the single most independent, co-dependent, incredibly strong, dainty, leader, follower, outspoken, quiet, individual that I have ever met. I sit in awe and sometimes complete confusion because I honestly dont know WHAT IN THE WORLD Ive gotten myself into!

"Our conception is a story so beautifully written in/So beautiful is the bond the we boastfully blended in....." -Joulz Il

She's so delicate and I guess she has always been that way and as each day passes, she becomes softer and softer towards me, towards my thoughts, towards my feelings, and towards my outlook on life. Im not perfect by a long shot, but when you're used to someone being so thick-skinned. Its a little surprising, to say the least, when they change. She has become this great nurturer and I, in turn, have no idea what to do with her. I laid awake dumbfounded last night and for the first time in my life....I realized that I, in all truth and unequivocal non-denial, that I WAS WRONG! I didnt sleep well at all because I realized that I was being a complete idiot and she was honestly right. Im not one to bring up religion, but I honestly believe that I was being spoken to and shown greater things last night and they all had something to do with her. (Well except for the part where gas was 1.11, but hey, I think that was just some wishful thinking on my end. That or gas REALLY is about to go back down to 1.11. Aw'wight!)

Im not too much of the stereotypical "man" that I dont know when to apologize and accept that I was being an idiot, but sometimes words are not enough. My strong point yesterday was about actions:

"I've been doing all the things that everyone has been telling me that I should do and now, NO ONE wants to notice it. You mean to tell me that not only do I have to DO this entire list of things, but now I also have to go and TELL people who should have the common decency to pay attention to all the things that are going on, EXACTLY whats going on. This is utter and complete crap. I have never been in a situation where a man was doing the right thing and STILL had to defend himself!"

This is what a disagreement looks like when you actually read the transcripts. I was allowed that luxury in my dream last night. I was actually given the transcripts to a heated discussion and was allowed to see just how mean spirited I could still be. It didnt paint a beautiful picture with lilacs, lilies and daffodils. It was more like the weather that we have been having here in Texas, it was pretty nasty. And it was going against statements like:

"You dont understand. I just want you to do it FOR me. Nothing else. Just do this FOR ME."

How can a person honestly fight with that? I was calm soon after I heard those words. Why? Because I simply cant fight with someone who just wants me to do the best I can towards them. Im so much of someone's life at this point that every single thing that I do is pretty much for them. Every step I take, every move I make, Im a part of them. (Sorry, Sting, but it fit the movement!) She wants the best from me at all times and honestly, my today is filled with trying to make sure that all of my tomorrows are spent showing her that I understand exactly what I am to her: Im RELEVANT.

Are you relevant to someone? Does your existence TRULY mean something to someone? Is there one person out there who truly and honestly loves every aspect of you? If not, let's work on our relevancy.


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