Monday, June 04, 2007

Alive and Well.......

"A quiet man says nothing and moves effortlessly as to never be found or figured out."

Having stated that I say hello again. There hasnt been much to talk about or any really big dealings as of late. Ive received a lot of emails and inquiries about what Ive been doing musically and whats going to happen, so I decided to respond using this medium. Honestly.......I QUIT! It wasnt that hard to do. I just looked toward my better half and I looked inside myself and I just stopped. Scrapped plans for idle things that people would never care about and I stopped. Stepped away from the AKG and put it back in that comfortable little box that it came in. Ive been using my time to focus more on family, focus more on friends, focus more on life. It came to my attention that there were a ton of 30+ rappers who had never made it and it donned on me that I just didnt want to be one of them. It brings a laughter to my soul to see someone who should know better doing the following:

1) Standing on a stage in an airbrushed t-shirt swearing that this is their time
2) Rapping about things that only a 13 year old who hasnt lived any type of life would care about
3) Getting emotional because ANYONE tells them that they suck
4) Dodging questions about potential things they may have lied about
5) Copying the style of whatever is hot for the moment and hoping it pays off
6) Begging people to go to a store and purchase whatever cd they managed to piece together
7) Begging a promoter to put them on a two bit hip hop show that only 35-40 NON PAYING people will show up to

Its mind boggling! The pursuit of being famous came to a screeching halt when I realized that I was an intelligent and surprisingly uber-talented individual who could put more effort in working for a Forbes company than trying to get some type of contractor job in which I honestly DO NOT know how much I can bring in to support myself. I still love music with all of my heart. My love for REAL hip-hop will never die, but as far as trying to be some type of poster child for Dallas music, like some, Im just doing me. Living life, being alive, and staying well. In the grand scheme of things, Ive done music for what seems like forever and Im ONLY 25 years old! Thats over half of my life devoted to something that NEVER truly pulled its weight in my life. Good riddance! LOL! There are still beats that touch my very psyche and pull me to say things that people will probably NEVER hear. There are still songs that have been created that the world will NEVER listen to. Why?! Simply just NOT THAT IMPORTANT! If I never get on, I dont honestly think that I would care. Im free.

Dutifully Openly Intelligently Noticeably Gainfully Mentally Emotionally

Free. Its a wonderful feeling. Ive stomped on people who literally have pestered me for so long and Ive met people who have been some of the greatest people that I will ever know. Its time for a new phase in life. A phase that isnt defined by the phrases "Oh, uh, I do music.", "Well, yeah, Ive got a label." or "This is our year." A phase that signifies that I am exactly what I am. Grown. Mature. An adult.

I realized something back in Feb.: Everyone has an opinion and an ego and if you throw a mountain (yes, a mountain) at someone's ego and blatantly state the obvious to them (i.e. "Yes, Im THAT good and yes, I KNOW THAT! Lets all go forth with the same mindframe!"), it takes them FOREVER to get over it. I have never seen more emotionally charged, "I need a hug", MEN as the ones that I have come across in the Dallas Hip Hop scene. People who are so offended by someone's presence that they feel the need to alienate anyone who doesnt immediately conform to their little heart shaped box of ideals that people should be. I dont apologize for much unless I am wrong and if getting on a stage and speaking to a crowd like you're not just at Jinx, but you're actually in front of thousands is wrong, then I apologize. I had a harsh realization that people will support anyone as long as its NOT the person that they see they should be supporting. That's too much like right. Let's get behind someone who may not have their production up to quality or let's get behind the person who seems to be humble enough to tolerate our BS or let's get behind the guy who we think is gullible or let's get behind the guy who wont even stand up for himself...........well what about the guy who actually has an opinion? No!

LOL! So far, within the last six months alone, Ive become jaded by music here in the city. Ive seen icons have a chance and fail. Fall to the wayside for whatever reason. Ive seen disunity and immediate blackballing. Hell, Ive experienced it and RELISHED it. Its brought forth attention from some unlikely places and even more unlikely allies. Ive heard praise dropped upon those who were undeserving and Ive seen someone get some attention that he TRULY deserved. Ive seen crybabies and girly-men alike almost break into tears when the very mention of anything that has been on my mind comes forth and though its been fun, its been very annoying. If I could see anything, I would love to see more unity in the Dallas music scene, but I doubt that will ever happen. I cant say that I wish the best for everybody.....honestly there are a handful of cats who: (imitating Rick James ala Dave Chappelle

"I hope everything bad happens to you, just you and only you. May only bad come your way. Say hello to Dahk-ness. And in closing, they shouldna never gave you n*gg*s and most of you crackas money. Good day and n*gg* f*ck yo' couch."

It is what it is. If you know me, get at me. If you dont know me and Ive sparked your interests somehow, get at me. Im back at it as blogs go, but Im so done as the sorry excuse for music stands. Im going back to 9-6. Its peaceful there and Biggie is still alive.



JAM said...

There is a middle ground. In fact, a guy you are very aware of first brought the term to my attention. It's called "hobbyist".

I will admit, though, that this posting does come across being as "whiny" as you are claiming other people to be.

Joulz Il said...

I accept your opinion as everyone is entitled to their own, but believe me, "whiny" has never been in my M.O. Dont believe me? You're more than welcome to have me on your show and I will definitely address any and all issues and questions. The ball remains in your court. We can even set it up for end of June/early July. I'll be free then.

Meredith said...

Good luck and remember. You do not EVER owe anyone an explanation. That is the glory of "doing you"

Chelse' Bene' said...

Oh shit, lol, smh. Man...despite popular belief I had no idea that you wrote what was posted and I'd be a complete liar if I said that I didn't agree with most of what was said (and completely for my own reasons).

I've felt that way since before I met and knew you, this site and everyone on here existed. I guess the hardest (and in most cases the longest) process is accepting your truth with the truth that surrounds you and validating what is not an illusion. The people I have come across in and around this business who have done just that have been very few and far between, which is why I believe that so many seem to get offended when such a claim like "you will probably never make it outside of your house, street, block or city, etc. in this business" pisses off most aspiring musicians, promoters and the likes (hobbyist included), simply because the reality of a situation is better off left unsaid (especially when you are dealing with an ego that despite your involvement in music, is fed off of some form of recognition, if even a simple "such and such does music" or "is in the industry"). Shit, I gave up on music (or more specifically Hip Hop) here a loooong time ago, and most recently I gave up on it everywhere else, because of the complete idiocy that has become prevalent in what used to be a verified art form. Hell, any and everybody does the shit what REALLY makes you (as the general consensus here in Dallas) so damn special when if not just the talent but the demographics can kill most chances alone? It all but seems that the saving grace of any artist is in the form of an invisible checklist that says that once you get your "business" right, everything including your lack of talent will fall into place and get you recognized, Cd's sold and makes you a verifiable "hood star"...


I never said that my opinions should be non-opposed and accepted as biblical law, but I will say that there is no such thing as lying to yourself. Delusion has affected many of us who actually believe that there is no truth to at least one of these claims, but I guess the question is, who actually can accept it...? I can give damn one way or the other because I found where I stood in the whole scheme of things in this industry and in this city and I accepted all truths. I'm no longer a dream chaser. I take my blessings and I live my has always been a love and a passion, but it has never and will never rule. That shit is for the birds.

or maybe I just grew up too quick.

Carry on.

khal said...

what about niggas like me, who believed in your spit, and don't know spit about the dallas scene? this is fucking sad man... sad that the game is losing a true talent. you can't even just do mixtapes on the side? i'm kind of crushed right now... i believed in you. what's really good?

Joulz Il said...

Khal, your box will be flooded soon. Rock The Dub has always been a quintessential part of the movement. Please believe that I could never truly leave without some type of parting gift for people just like you who truly supporting whatever was coming out and whatever I was doing.